New Year (Singapore)

Greetings from Singapore! Happy New Year to All!

New year to me now is just another number added on to the calender and to my age. I think I live by everyday as a new day/year with new hopes and aspirations. Cos we are ever changing, and there is one constant, who is my/our God. Yesterday was 2010, today is 2011. Do you feel any difference? Weather's pretty much the same. Your bed still feels the same. Daily routine as per normal...It won't be a revolution the moment you get out of bed and and things are different. What's different we can make the difference to people's life!

The reason why I came back to Singapore is not only because of my job but for my parents. And I knew clearly from the start. And I have already mentally prepared myself that things will be extremely difficult especially now that I have lived away from home for about 5 years and I am very independent, also have my own habits(good/bad). Above all difficulties, my parents are deeply rooted taoist/buddist. I have got a feeling that I am living in a devil's den everyday. Incense smell day and night. Hear them chanting prayers. Kept telling me about temples, etc. I hate it here. I question at times and cry it out to the Lord in my heart, 'why am I in this Shit hole? Lord, please do something about it'. I have mastered patience quite well and I felt that He is telling me to be patient and in His time, everything will be done/sorted.

Pride is bounding most people. Because of pride, they refuse to apologise. Refuse to say please. Refuse to asknowledge. Refuse to give way. I have spent overseas long enough to get to see 'the other side' of human beings. I am not perfect either. But at least I lay it all down and surrender it all to the Lord and ask him to give me a bigger heart to love people.

I need lots of prayers and patience. I require assistance. I cant do it by myself. It pains me to see my parents believing in something which is not real. Good deeds, good blessings? bad deeds, end up in hell? Pray for the money God to shower money at them? What a load of rubbish I have heard throughout my entire 21 years of my life. I feel so cheated sometimes... *sigh*

Anyway, it is good to be back blogging again.=)

I received lots of cards/gifts from friends and the SO family. I feel so loved by them.

Our Father in heaven, blessed be your name on this New year. Thank you for your love and blessings for the past year Lord. Thank you for being with us always despite our disobdience and human nature. We thank you for your unfailing love for us. Every day we are renewed by your holy spirit and your grace. Lord, I thank you for friends and family members who care for me throughout these years and continuing to keep in touch. I pray that Lord, your favour will be with them and bless them abundantly with your love and reveal yourself to them more each day. Cloth them in your cloak of righteousness. Give them the armour plate and sword to fight the devil. Equip them with words which will draw people to your heavenly kingdom. I pray for your will to be done in GCCC, I ask Lord for a pastor in the EM. I thank you for the leaders you have raised thus far and the passion they have for you oh Lord. May it be your will that EM will hold steadfast and grow in numbers. Father, I pray for myself that you will give me the wisdom on how to handle my parents and be patient and loving towards them. Father, please forgive me when I get into heated conversations with my parents. I pray that you will bless my conversations with my parents and soften their hearts and be more receptive and sensitive towards the holy spirit. In the name of Jesus, I pray that your work be done in them and cast out the devil/demon who is working in them. Father, convict them with your holy spirit. I pray for my relationship with Cat. Thank you Lord for blessing us with the Iphone and making technology possible for us to connect. Oh Lord, we still believe that it's you whom we connect with that is making everything possible! I thank you for the gift of Cat into my life. Lord, she is ready to move on with her career and I pray that you will reveal your plans to her. May it be her staying in UK or coming over to SG, we entrust our future into your hands. I pray for your peace to be with her and your reassurance may rest her soul. I pray that you will help us to plan our trips and holidays and may you help us remove any obstacles which are hindering our plans. Lord, thank you for listening to my prayer. I commit the above prayer into your hands. In Jesus mighty name I pray. AMEN'

Helpless

How many times you find yourself in a situation where you just stood there and look up in the ceiling/sky and go 'God, help me?' In fact, I think most of the time. There is a reason why things happen and those setbacks and failures test out faith.

I wonder why some people are so ungrateful of things. We are not born to be servants but to do things out of goodwill. A simple 'Thank you' or "Please" will make the whole sitation so much approachable. I guess the worldly thinks of the hierachy system. "You are elder than me, hence you HAVE to do this for me" or "You are under me, hence you HAVE to do this for me" or "You are my good friend, hence I EXPECT this and that", etc. On the other hand, being responsible and getting your job done is different from if someone asks you for a favour, something which is not EXPECTED of you to do it. Such things bother me sometimes, but at the end of the day.... "God, help me..."

Random repeated questions bug me everyday. 'When are you getting a FT contract." "is this the right job for you" "Dont screw up today" "Wonder when am I going to get married" "When my parents will give a nod to Jesus is my saviour" "Is everything gonna be alright in my love life?" Like a broken record, playing constantly. At the end of the day... "God, help me..."

I was reading a book and this particular section drew my attention; Characteristics of a shame-based nature. I have identified myself as perfectionist and false/excessive responsibility. I tend to seek other's approval and Satan will try to use that to try to make you change yourself to suit others so much so that you are never true to yourself.... And thats kind of scary, cos I used to be like this! The other part about false/excessive resposibility is like making yourself resposible/answerable for everything that goes wrong. As if you are part of the failure, etc. 'Sometimes you can do everything right, and people still make wrong wchoices in their lives. We must stop taking the responsiblity for everything that goes on in the world, and begin to live our lives and enjoy them. Don't let someone else's bad choice affect your joy.' And at the end of the day... 'God, help me...'

No one understands my problems... No matter how hard I tried to explain. It will try to turn one big round and say 'sort it out yourself' There was one day, voice shaken, hiding under my duvet, talking to God all my problems. I felt so burdened and I cried myself to sleep. That was the best sleep I ever had. =D I mean, don't think I want to reach to that stage where I can get my decent sleep. Of course I learn my lesson that I should pray frevently.

So, does God really did help me?

Answer - Yes, He has the best plans for me and tells me "Do not worry"

Right here, right now...

Train rides have never been a pleasure. Place for reflection, gathering of thoughts. Brain-storming of ideas. Catching up with friends, seize opportunities to talk about God to them. Something which I seldom do, but has recently developed in me.

'I wish I had more time...'
'I wish I time could just fly pass now...'
24hrs is all we have. 7hrs to sleep. 8-9hrs at work. 2hrs transport. 5-6hrs for friends/housework. Time is precious, so does God's time. What does it really mean by God's time? This is not a definite answer, probably debatable. I think probably when He thinks we are ready to take on a particular role and we are constantly seeking His will and Shalom. I am still earnestly seeking the fruits of the spirit.

I have been keeping records of all the good things God has done. Even on a super duper lousy day, God is also at work! He never fails to deliver. Seek and you shall receive. =)

Right now, she has walked into my life. I thank God for you. Mistakes made in the past will not be repeated. The Lord is in control of the situation and everything comes from Him. Walk by faith my dear. Rely on the One and Only. When God is at work, so does the devil. Take heart, stand firm on God's soil and deny the devil from stepping foot into our turf. Cos His hands will be on us when we seek His way and be under His authority.

A lot to look forward. Though is calm now, the journey ahead has lots of hurdles for us to cross. Through Him, Nothing is impossible.

Cat, take my hand, go on this journey with me.

Questions

1) Can you really be friends with someone whom you are competing with?
2) Can you actually trust a human with your secrets?

Don't judge me YET. Because you STILL don't know me. I am NOT perfect and will NEVER be perfect. So ARE you. Get going and sort IT out. Because you ARE going to face the GIANTS.

Sharing

A W E S O M E is the word I would use to describe today.

Guy called me early in the morning whilst I was still sleeping (ANNOYED at first, but he woke me up when he said it's snowing~!!) We wanted to do something spontaneous like going to Dumfries Galloway forest park, Queens Elizebeth Park, Loch Lomond? I know! It was so random! However, we ended up at the quay and had lunch at Nando's. Guy was pestering me to have a game of bowling since he already brought his equipment in the car! He actually planned to bowl even before asking me! Being nice and forgiving, we went ahead and you might have guessed it, Guy trashed and boosted his ego. (WELL DONE GUY... not..) =p

It was about time to meet HY and kerry. Got HY on the phone and realised that Elaam was coming too! Soon enough, Lisa was coming to meet us for coffee as well! WOW! G came just before we left for dinner at Rumours. Elam had to work and G had to go home for dinner, so it was just me, Guy, HY and Kerry.

We decided to go to Tinderbox and chat instead of Rumours since it was getting busier.

We shared, whined, questioned, basically just reminding and encouraging each other. It was so awesome! I shared with them what happened at the retreat with Dick praying for me. Emotional rush when I spoke.

I am so glad to see how each and every one of my friend has grown in Christ and so passionate in building God's kingdom. I really thank God for what happened today. Everything didn't go as what Guy and I had planned last night. Instead, it was way WAY much better!! Thank you so so so much GOD. You give us the slightest joy and excitement in our lives everyday. Thank you for friends and blessing us abundantly with your grace~~~

"If the wall is too tall, try the tunnel..."

Stumble

I was reading "facing the giants" and I highly recommend this book to folks.

How do we manage out dark days? When you are tired of trying, tired of forgiving, tired of hard weeks or hard headed people. We tend to numb the pain at a bar, bitch about it with someone else, etc. How many of a time you are quick to pray about it?

I would like to quote an analogy from the book, "are we like the sheep on the Turkish cliff? who knows why the first one jumped over the edge. even more bizarre are the fifteen hundred others who followed, each leaping off the same overhang. THe first 450 animals died. The thousand that followed survivde only because the pile of corpses cushioned their fall." I was like, "WOW".

We should seek healthy counsel, someone/mentor who encourages you, not put you down, rides through the storm till you see the finishing line.

I am totally like what I describe above. I refused to confide with anyone and 'leave it to next time'. It is like living in a vacuum room.

My neck is still sore and it has "spread" to the other side! Contagious, maybe? But praise God that at least I am able to turn my head slowly without groaning and it recovered faster than expected. Pray for my job application that it'd be processed as soon as possible so that I'd be able to give definite answers to friends and family members. Bottom line is, have faith and trust in the Lord.

Thank you

I would like to thank the core group for organising this retreat. It is my prayer that the Lord will help GCCC to grow and prosper and may heavens will be done on his ministry. May we be Jesus's adverts and may the holy spirit give us the strength and wisdom to do his will.

Thank you my friends for your prayers/laughter/company. Till we meet again, God bless you.

Fresh start, new chapter.

I woke up not long ago from my 4 hours of nap. Felt really hungry at first. But then I realised not only am I hungry for food but also for more of God! I settled on a huge bowl of cereal(Cheerios) and milk which I think its enough and satisfying since for the past few days I had so much junky foods!

I had the greatest of my life. I feel charged and renewed and praise the Lord for the opportunity and his grace upon me. New blog to express and to log down events in my daily, if not weekly life.

Camp retreats is nothing new to me since I have been to 3 and this is my 4th. My faith for Him grew to a level where I started having so many unanswered questions regarding God that I got frustrated with myself and decided to go on my solo mission and shut Him out completely.

I felt safocated and empty. The things were too much for me to bare that I broke into tears and asked for forgiveness. And this cycle of defiance repeated for quite some time. Until today... ... ...

We had a guest speaker Mr Dick Dowsett and I learnt that he was staying in the same cabin as us and met him on the night of arrival at the campsite. I barely know him as a friend and hardly spoken to him too. At the end of his sermon, he came up to me and hugged me. "Break my heart for what break yours... - Hosanna, HillSong United" was playing in my head.

He patted me on the back and let go. A sudden rush of emotions overwhelmed me and I told him I wanted to cry. He embraced me in his arms and whispered in my ear, "cry it out my son..." It was sensational. My heart was broken, I felt weak and helpless. He held me by my shoulders and asked me what's bothering me. For someone whom I barely know, I revealed my darkest secrets to him.

He understood me totally and looked me in the eye and said "everything is going to be ok". My shame and pride were stripped right in front of this wise mans eyes and he called upon the holy spirit to help me put on an armour of God and be righteous with Him, with the blood of Jesus Christ, my sins are washed away and I am forgiven.

My take away for this retreat is to Trust in the Lord that he will help me to be prayerful in everything I do and not be afraid. Lastly, God is not done with me yet, this is just the beginning.